


The Four Times Cas Hears Dean’s Prayers, and the One Time He Doesn’t

by Woollycas



Series: Season 15 codas [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Episode Tag, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Feelings, M/M, spn 15x03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 04:10:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21191339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woollycas/pseuds/Woollycas
Summary: This was the first story I wrote where Dean and Cas aren't with each other. I made myself sad. This breakup is brutal.





	The Four Times Cas Hears Dean’s Prayers, and the One Time He Doesn’t

_Cas, I’m glad you left. I’m glad you’re gone. Sam and me are better together, just the two of us. We’re better without you. You —you served your purpose —poorly most of the time. Your grace helped us and I’m sure Chuck is having a field day taking your powers away now. Maybe you should crawl back to him, cry a little about how we don’t need you anymore. Maybe he’ll make heaven take you back. You’re not wanted at the bunker anymore. _

Dean’s prayer cuts through Cas’s solitude like a knife. He stops what he’s doing a second, baffled that Dean is praying to him. His prayer is vile and hateful, and Cas’s breath hitches, caught off guard. 

He’s in the middle of making a loaf of bread in Donna’s cabin. She had been generous and kind —and concerned when he asked her the favor. He said he needed a little time to process his grief for Jack, his grief for Dean left unspoken. She had left him to himself, which Cas is grateful. He needs time to regroup, to figure out a plan for his future —for his life without Dean. 

He pulls at the tacky dough and flour on his fingers, replaying Dean’s voice in his head. He wonders if Dean knows that he can hear him. He huffs out a dry laugh as he starts to push and mold the pliant dough again. He knows Dean doesn’t care. 

***

_Cas, you got your listening ears on? Can you even hear me anymore? Whatever. It doesn’t matter. And you know what? You don’t matter. I’ve hunted and killed and run around Chuck’s maze before you —and I’ll be just fine after you. Hunting’s what I do. Joke’s on Chuck. I actually like it. Hunting’s what I’m good at. Hunting’s all I’m good at. Hunting’s all I know. _

Cas is cleaning the gutter of the cabin when he hears Dean this time. There’s a second where he welcomes Dean’s voice like a ray of sunshine, but then memories of their parting cloud his thoughts. He continues to rake the leaves and debris with his fingers, letting the decay fall to the ground, away from him floating high in the sky on Donna’s utility ladder. 

Dean’s still hunting. Dean’s still angry. For the thousandth time since leaving, Cas tells himself he did the right thing. For the thousandth time since walking away from Dean, he looks around at his new world. The sky is bright blue and a light breeze scatters the falling leaves into the wind. The weather is turning, but it’s still warm enough for him to roll up the sleeves of his new sweater. There’s peace at the cabin. Cas hopes Dean finds peace in hunting. He doubts he will. 

***

_I can’t believe you walked away like that. It was a dumb move. Now you’re out there —who knows where. You haven’t made a peep to anyone —and, I…we have unfinished business. Chuck isn’t done with us, and you’re powering down. I doubt you’ll get this anyway. I don’t know why I bother. You made your choice and I’m fine with it. _

Dean’s words interrupt the book Cas is reading —a not particularly great romance novel he found on Donna’s bookshelf. It was one of many, and the cover depicts a man, wearing a cowboy hat and seemingly nothing else, holding a woman, possibly sleeping or fainting. Cas isn’t sure, and hasn’t reached that part in the story yet. 

Donna apparently didn’t tell Dean about his new home. He strains at the knowledge that Chuck is back. He should be a part of things. But Dean’s right. His powers are failing. He’s no use to them. Maybe when winter’s over, he’ll travel. Maybe other hunters could use his help. The Winchesters taught him much over the years, and he spent millennia as a warrior of Heaven. He also thinks about the help wanted sign at the Gas ’n Sip. He was a good convenience store clerk once, too. 

***

_I hope you’re happy, you son of a bitch. You just left, and Chuck’s games are unrelenting. Powers or no, a third body in the fight would help. Chuck played us all, Cas. _

_Listen, I know back there I was wrong. You didn’t kill my mom. I know that. I hope you can hear this. I honestly hope you’re happy._

Cas had promised himself to stop listening to Dean’s prayers.The words had nipped at his sleeping mind though, the tinny warble disappearing before the prayer’s end. The more his grace fades, the more he welcomes rest. The cabin is quiet, and snow blankets the ground. He often finds himself dozing in the evenings. There’s a friendly barn cat he lets in for the occasional bowl of milk and lap cuddles. 

He feels less guilt that he thought he would not being a part of the fight. Dean once told him being a third wheel wasn’t a good thing. He’s learning to be self reliant. He takes it day to day, coping with losing Jack, losing his powers —losing Dean. Jody invited him to visit for Christmas. He thinks it will be nice to be near family, to check in on Claire. 

He pets the cat absently as he drifts back to sleep.

***

_I miss you. And I’m sorry, more sorry than I can ever put into words. I was in a bad place, and pushed you away. I’d do anything to take that back. I was scared —scared you didn’t actually want to be with me —scared about my feelings. I need you, Cas. _

_Why am I saying that? I don’t need you. I want you. I love you. I miss you. Please come home. _

Cas laughs at Claire’s story and nods in assent at Jody’s offer of a second glass of wine. The Christmas tree sparkles little white stars in the corner of the living room. Cas feels —not happy —but content for the first time in a long while. He has a momentary thought that Sam and Dean would have enjoyed it here, but dismisses it and turns to listen to Donna’s story of training new recruits. He takes a sip of wine and smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first story I wrote where Dean and Cas aren't with each other. I made myself sad. This breakup is brutal.


End file.
